


Do Not Go Gentle

by Ofdragonsandwolves



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-15 17:39:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13618365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ofdragonsandwolves/pseuds/Ofdragonsandwolves
Summary: Rose Tyler ate scared for breakfast. She had once killed the Devil himself. She poured the Time Vortex into the Emperor's head and destroyed him and his entire race. Scared was nothing new for her. But when the Dimension Cannon lit up and suddenly all of Time and Space was available to her again in her quest to find the Doctor. But what would she endure in order to save the universe?





	1. Chapter 1

They had told her to spend the night with her mum and family and that was honestly her plan. Spend the last safe night surrounded by those who loved her and to give them some happy memories in case tomorrow didn't work out the way they all hoped. But on her way to the grand house her mum now lived in, she turned left and drove out of the city. Laying on her back, she stared up at the stars. Tomorrow she would be back among them.

In the beginning she left the city a lot. It was too difficult looking up towards the sky and seeing such a tangible reminder that she was stuck in a universe that she didn't belong to. While it wasn't easy, she could pretend that the air didn't just feel slightly static. She travelled and explored and kept moving because if she stood still for too long, she could feel the turn of the earth, as if the planet itself was trying to eject her from orbit and send her flying into space. But looking up the zeppelins made it completely impossible to forget that she didn't belong here. Zeppelins belonged to the war. They belonged to her and Jack and London, to the backdrop of an invisible spaceship and dancing in front of Big Ben to Glenn Miller.

So she left the city often. She had exploration in her blood now and was completely unable to stay in one place for long periods of time. Once it had been planets and time that she travelled. Now cities and countries and the overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia of being confined to this one planet that looked like hers but wasn't, that threatened her hold on sanity. She never truly understood the Doctor's horror at being stuck on Krop Tor, but she knew that feeling now. Torchwood helped her, gave her a reason to continue on and it was a great cover story for her frequent disappearances. Aliens noticed this Earth more than her Earth, which she found quite unbelievable in the beginning, and she had a vast knowledge of different species and a leftover gift from the Tardis in her ability to speak and understand every language that she came across. Rose was waiting desperately for the day that the ability disappeared because it terrified her. When the Doctor regenerated, the Tardis had stopped translating until he woke up, so how was she still translating for Rose universes apart? She didn't quite understand it so she tended to push those thoughts aside and ignore them. She was getting good at ignoring things.

Just as she pushed aside thoughts of the Tardis. Losing the Tardis was a gaping wound in the back of her skull that wouldn't heal. It left her feeling like she had lost one of her senses and she was left fumbling in the dark, desperately trying to find a lightswitch. She hadn't slept a proper night she had been stuck here. She hadn't quite realized how much she had come to rely on the faint humming that had been in the back of her head, until it was abruptly silenced and there was an empty abyss left behind. In the beginning, the silence had overwhelmed her to the point where she almost lost her grip on reality twice. They had performed all kinds of tests and found nothing. Pete looked at her with suspicion in those days and that hadn't really helped. Eventually she came to manage the quiet and was able to put on a good front so no one even thought back on those days. But inside her head, the silence screamed.

She shifted and thought of how she liked when she could escape to the country the best. Very few zeppelins tainted the sky, giving her an unobstructed view of the stars. It always twisted her insides, looking up at what had once been her backyard. She knew many of the planets that circled those stars intimately. A universe away, she had friends all across time and space, on different planets, and in different galaxies. Now all she had was faint twinklings in a sky that didn't know her footprint. It was so difficult going from running through time, to being confined here. Yes, she gained a baby brother that she absolutely adored, thankfully her mum and Mickey were here, in Pete she had an almost father now. But it was hard to look at him some days and not think of the man in a church who recognized her as his daughter before he consciously realized it. It was hard to speak to him and not think of how her Pete had sacrificed himself to save her. She couldn't bear to hug him because when he wrapped his arms around her, her mind flashed back to him catching her before she fell into the void. Impossible not to think of the Doctor screaming her name in terror, his eyes huge with panic as he desperately tried to hold on and not follow her there, but still straining to grab her. Jackie was so happy here, living a life of airs and graces even while wearing those same tracksuits. But for all that Jackie had gained, Rose had lost so much more. Her universe, friends, the Tardis, the man that she…

Ruthlessly, she squashed down the last word. She wouldn't think of that, or of his arms around her, the crinkles near his eyes when he smiled, or the way when he changed his entire body, his accent almost matched hers. There were a million reasons that she wouldn't think the word, but it boiled down to that word belonging to him. She had said it last on the worst day of her life and wouldn't think it again until she had fixed this.

Mostly she just wanted to go home. Back to where her life was insane to most people, but made sense to her. Back to where she was happy. Absently, she reached up to stroke the Tardis key around her neck. After being stranded and locked out of the Tardis, she never took it off. All she had left of home now and even though the metal was cold -body head didn't warm it, only the physical proximity of the Tardis did that- it gave her a small measure of comfort.

With a heavy sigh she raised to her feet. She had been laying flat on her back, looking up at the stars (once she had burned like the sun and now she breathed for just a glimpse.) She wasn't here tonight to escape for a few hours. Torchwood was in panic mode. It had been realized that there was an anomaly on Earth, faint fissures that couldn't be explained. They had their best people working on it, but that had been put on hold when something even more pressing had been discovered.

The stars were going out.

No warnings, no novas, no anything. They were there one minute and then there was nothing. Just black emptiness. Thankfully it wasn't obvious yet, from Earth everything looked the same. Only those with very powerful telescopes had noticed...something...and they were keeping it amongst themselves. But that would only last for so long and soon the public would be in a state of panic. Which is where the Dimension Cannon had come into play.

Rose made no secret that she wouldn't stay here if she had an option. From the moment he had left her for the final time on that awful beach. "I'm just an image, no touch." From that exact second, she had been determined to prove him wrong and claw her way back to him. Pete, bless him, had been very supportive from the beginning. Rose studied and she gathered the best from around the planet and together they had built the Dimension Cannon. They were mindful of the sake of universe and never, not once used it on full power. On full power, they could have punched their own holes in the walls of universes and she could have already been searching. But Rose would never risk so many living creatures like that. So they waited to see if anything would happen, while they worked to figure out a way to use it without collapsing reality. But then the stars started going out and the damn machine lit up. Rose was miles away and felt when the cracks opened. It was almost like a strong wind, the feeling of something pulling her away. She ran back to the office, arriving heaving for breath, as the entire team of scientists were in an uproar. She was ready to go then, a pull so powerful she almost couldn't control it begging her to jump now. Of course they tested it first, she knew the risks. They started with small inanimate objects, before moving to mice, which Rose hated. But they needed something alive to make it through and back before they sent her. They tested until they were mostly satisfied, which was as good as it would get under these circumstances.

Tomorrow would be her first trip through and she was terrified. She had built the damn thing but it sometimes baffled her how it worked. She would be scattered into atoms (you are tiny. I can see the whole of time and space, every single atom of your existence, and I divide them), and hurdled across the void into hopefully her universe, before the atoms rearranged themselves back into Rose proper. Not even including the fact that she could land anywhere, in anywhen, and in any universe. She was properly terrified.

Yeah, she was scared. But Rose Tyler ate scared for breakfast. She had once killed the devil himself. She poured the Time Vortex into the Emperor's head and destroyed him and his entire race. Scared was nothing new for her.

She was thrilled.


	2. Chapter 2

"Jackie called me several times last night," was Mickey's greeting as she walked into Torchwood.

"Oh. Sorry." Rose kept walking, head slightly down, her hair concealing her face partially, and reading the latest report of the readings coming from the Dimension Cannon this morning.

Mickey grabbed her arm and forced her attention to him. "You were supposed to go home last night, Rose. Spend some time with your family."

"I couldn't be there, Mickey. You know how Mum has been lately. I needed to clear my mind and get ready for the jump." Rose pulled her arm away and started walking again.

"She's afraid you're gonna die on that thing! Or you'll find him and you won't come back!" Mickey clenched his fists at her stubbornness, at his helplessness, at all of this.

"That was always the plan, Mickey! Remember when you all took me to that damned beach? I didn't pack that bag for nothin'! I was leaving then too!" Before the Doctor was there but wasn't and Rose couldn't even touch him. For the first time in months Rose had been happy. Had been ready to leave and go with him. And the he faded away and his last words were her name and a sentence that went unfinished.

"That was years ago!" Mickey yelled, running to catch up with her. "Jackie thought you would have changed your mind by now. Hell, we all did!"

Rose had stopped and closed her eyes against the interested eyes that followed their argument to block them out, but she spun to face him on those words, her eyes spitting fire.

"I promised him forever on a planet where giant stingrays flew in the air. That doesn't end on a planet with zeppelins, Mickey." She met his eyes and he seemed startled by her direct gaze. "This isn't where it ends. I won't accept that."

"And if he's moved on? You thought you were the only one and then there was Sarah Jane. Reinette. What if he's not waiting for you?" Mickey was looking at her imploringly and she had to stop herself from lashing out. He wasn't being mean, not really. He was just worried and she understood how it made you say things you'd regret later.

"Then I will have at least tried. I'll know that I did everything I could." The thought crushed her, but she straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin to show her determination.

"Will you come back then?" Mickey's eyes were beautiful, they were one of the first things that drew her to them all those years ago, and even now she could read every emotion that flickered through them. As tough as he had became, that veil of protectiveness had never kept her out. That's why she braced herself before answering, she knew that the hurt and pain from her answer reflected in his eyes would be like a kick in her stomach.

"No."

"What?! Why not?!" Mickey exploded, his eyes flaring with shock and, yeah there it was, pain. Rose smiled and touched his shoulder, but her eyes were sad. Old.

"Oh, Mick. You fit in here. Mum fits in. You both existed here before. There has never been another me. I don't belong here." Rose looked up at him beseechingly, but her words only seemed to make him angrier.

"So you'll what? Stay in London by yourself? Live on the estate and grow old alone? Don't be stupid, Rose. Everyone you love is here!" Mickey was yelling and people were blatantly staring now.

"This isn't the time or place for this discussion. The Doctor will accept me back and if by some stupid twist of fate he doesn't, the stars are going out and he needs to know." This was all said very firmly, as she dropped her hand from his shoulder, spun, and started walking to the elevators.

"But…" Mickey started to protest, but was cut off by the appearance of Jake Simmonds.

"It's a very big day! Are you ready for this, Rose?" Jake caught up to her after she hit the call button and slung an arm over her shoulder, blocking her from a visibly angry Mickey before leaning down and whispering in her ear. "You looked like you needed saving.

"I'm a damsel. I'm in distress. I can handle this." Rose quoted Hercules countered in a wry voice, knowing that Jake would never get the reference. That Disney classic didn't exist in this universe, much to Rose's horror. "Yeah, I'm so ready for this, you have no idea."

"You've got this, Rose. You built it, you know it like no one else. You're gonna jump and find the Doctor, stop the-you-know-what, and be back home in time for dessert!" Jake led them into the lift during his quick pep talk and Rose gave him the first genuine smile of the day.

"She's not coming back," Mickey snapped, following them and pushing the button with way too much force. "She's stayin' there no matter what."

Jake turned to look at Mickey with a furrowed brow. "I said she'd be home in time for dessert. This isn't her home."

With that Rose let out a muffled sob and threw her arms around Jake, who had been such a good friend to her. She hadn't realized how much she needed someone else to realize what she'd been saying since she landed here. Mickey, her mum, even Pete, with all of his support. They didn't truly understand that she'd been doing everything to go back to her home. She loved them and she would miss them desperately, but she'd said once that everyone leaves home in the end and this was her end.

"Thanks, Jake," she whispered against his chest and pulled back to rub her hand across the top of his spiky hair, continuing their long running joke. "Stop using so much hair gel. You can poke someone's eye out with those spikes."

"Oh, I'll poke someone alright," Jake grinned and dropped his head like a battering ram, pretending to stab her with one end.

Rose let out an involuntary giggle, one moment of normalcy helping loosen the fist around her heart. She pulled back to see Mickey staring at them with the most heartbroken look. It had been a long time since they lost themselves in such easy camaraderie, so much had happened to them, between them. Mickey chose to stay here, he had a life he built here. He never really understood that Rose had been forced here. She had built a life in their universe. He didn't understand that sometimes she felt like ripping the skin off her bones so that static feeling would stop for just a moment. He told her once, ages ago, that sometimes it felt like she was demeaning his choice to stay, by being so determined to leave. He didn't see the irony that by trying to keep her here, he was doing worse to her. Rose didn't ever try to talk him out of it, or make him feel guilty for his choice. She knew how it felt for people to not accept her choices and consciously tried to never make anyone feel that. She met Mickey's gaze but before he could say anything the lift pinged and Rose was wiping under her eyes and straightening her shoulders, before walking out.

After that there was a flurry of activity and she didn't have time for any emotional scenes. She took charge of the room with an effectiveness that would have surprised her once, but surprised absolutely no one now. Pete watched her with a fond look. He loved her, but he wouldn't be lost when she was gone. She appreciated that, she carried enough guilt over those she was leaving.

And then suddenly it was time. She didn't expect to meet with him the first jump and everyone was expecting the first jump to be relatively short. Enough to jump, look around, and jump back. This was just a proof test that she wouldn't die or come back put together wrong. But just in case she did find her way home, this could very well be her goodbye. There were no words left for her to say. She had left envelopes back at her house with letters for the most important people. If she didn't come home, they knew where to find them. So she hugged Jake, Pete, and Mickey, who straightened out her jacket for her with a gentle cuff to the chin. She pretended not to see the tears in his eyes as she got into position. She closed her eyes quickly, let out a soft sigh and a quick prayer to whatever was listening, and opened her eyes, full of determination.

"Okay, I'm ready."


	3. Chapter 3

Rose landed on her hands and knees, losing the contents of her stomach in the process. Tears streamed down her face as she tried to suck in enough air to fill her lungs and not choke as she heaved. They said that the jump would be painless, that she would blink and be wherever she landed. But Rose felt every second of the jump, every millisecond, of being stretched thin and broken apart, hurtling through the void. She felt cold and icy fingers reach out to grab her, whispers in the pitch black horror of weightlessness and wide awake aware oblivion. The pain in those brief moments was uncompromising and complete. The wound of silence in her head was nothing compared to crossing the void. She spared a brief thought to the mice that they forced to jump before her and the guilt almost crushed her, causing her to sob harder. It wasn't supposed to be this.

After several moments of calming herself down, Rose finally managed to stand up, shaky and colt-like, hand on her still quivering stomach, and take inventory of herself. Legs, she had legs. Arms. Everything was where it should be and yet if she had been pulled apart as she jumped and then rebuilt back into herself, was she still technically Rose Tyler? Or had she simply been made into an image of herself? A clone with her memories? Or were memories what made the person regardless of the body? Which was a theory that she could support because what was the Doctor then, if not a patchwork of different faces held together by memories?

"This," Rose said out loud into quiet of day, as she finally came back to herself, "Is not the time for such an existential crisis. Where am I?"

She walked unsteady from the alley in which she had landed, trying to place where she was. The planet itself was completely unfamiliar, the people a slightly familiar looking race, but one that she knew she was not really acquainted with. Their brightly colored skin made her smile though, walking through an alien market made her feel more at peace than she had in years. This was why she travelled, this was what she missed. There were so many civilizations to learn about, so many cultures she had the honor to view and marvel upon.

The knot in her stomach loosened as she walked the aisles and trailed her fingers over a collection of muted and pale fabrics that felt like silk against her skin. The inhabitants of this planet wore colors that emphasized their bright skin, an unabashed pride in themselves that Rose greatly admired. She found herself smiling at a little girl with bright blue skin. For an instance she was taken back to the first trip her first Doctor took her on, the steward who greeted them and the electrician who Rose chatted with, but then the little girl smiled and tugged on her mother's dress and Rose was shaken out of her reverie and continued down and out of the market. For a moment she had allowed herself to remember who she used to be, the life she used to lead. Once this market would have been a common side trip for her, but that wasn't her anymore. Or it wasn't her yet. One day, though, one day this would be her life again. She felt the phantom passing of a hand holding hers and a sudden burst of longing for the Doctor hit her. Sometimes all you needed is a hand to hold, indeed.

Suddenly very resolute, Rose squared her shoulders and got to work. She unfortunately wasn't here to reminisce or think of all the things that she was missing. She knew almost immediately from landing here that the TARDIS was not here. The key around her neck remained cold and there was no easing of the silence in her head. If the TARDIS wasn't here then neither was the Doctor. But perhaps there was a reason that she landed here. Though the Dimension Cannon couldn't be given specific instructions on where to land, they did had a faint hope that somehow the Dimension Cannon would land Rose in places that she knew. They had hoped that with that they would be able to land her in the right place at the right time. But this was the first trip, and as much as Rose had wanted it to be the first AND the last, hoping that she would land alongside her Doctor, explain everything, and then he would fix it and they could continue on with their lives together.

She should have known that it wouldn't be so easy.

But as she walked the entire market, followed alley's and meandered through a suburb of pretty and florescently painted homes, there wasn't anything suspicious. There wasn't no secret lair of evil, no one trying to take over the world. Just a normal day where life went on as usual. The sense of disappointment was surprising and momentarily annoying. Who was she to get angry because sometimes life went on as normal? Taking a deep breath, she suddenly realized the air felt static like it did back in Pete's World. Her whole body itched just a little bit, the hairs on her arms were slightly raised. Did that mean she was in the same universe? Or another parallel one? Wherever she was, this was not her universe. She had never felt this before she was trapped, so she was hoping that when she landed in the prime universe, the feeling would go away.

With the realization that she was in the wrong place, she knew it was time to go back to Torchwood. A feeling of dread overcame her thinking of how she was going to have to cross the void again. She was not looking forward to the icy fingers reaching for her again, but she knew that she couldn't continue to stay here. Muffling a moan, she pressed the recall button and immediately faded.


End file.
